Chocolate and flowers can't fix this
by Laura 001
Summary: Ron and Hermione are dating. But an rather unpleasant surprise awaits Hermione in the Gryffindor common room and everyone knew! What will she do when she comes across Draco? AU, OOC. Two-shot.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling owns Harry Potter etc, please don't sue me!**

 **Warnings:** AU after war, anti-Ron, some violence and language.

 **A/N: The war was building in fifth year, but instead of sending Harry to the Hall of Prophecies, Voldemort went himself and fell through the vail when Aurors were alerted to the breach and attacked. The Horcruxes deactivated when Voldemort went through the veil and he was deemed gone forever. The Death Eaters disbanded and slunk back into society once more. Blood purity became of less importance, especially after Voldemort's heritage came out.**

 **Now on with the story...**

* * *

Hermione's sight was blurred with tears as she rushed out of the Common room, the faces of the guilty onlookers watching her under eyelashes of lowered heads.

Hermione had just found out a secret that had been sealed within the Gryffindor Common Room walls for a full month. Gryffindors never snitched on their own, and so the secret had been held sacred by those in the know – which was most of the house thanks to the indiscreet revelling of the two involved.

Ron had been snogging Lavender Brown for just shy of a full moon cycle. And his girlfriend of seven months had finally walked in early from a study session to see the evidence in full slobbery glory on the couch. Tongues battling as he gripped Lavender on his lap, everyone going about their business looking unsurprised and unperturbed until she had walked in and froze with wide eyes. Her chin dropped in shock, creating a small 'o' with her lips. Quickly enough, her brain processed the scene and her teeth clamped shut with an audible click.

'You look supremely comfortable there,' Hermione had bitten out bitterly as she eyed Ron's grip on the girl in his lap.

Ron paused like muggle in a picture. He flicked a glance towards Lavender, still perched on his lap, looking like he was contemplating pushing her to the floor, but then his fingers tightened and dug tightly into her slender waist.

'Yes, we are, thank you,' he replied, building himself up with self-righteousness.

Lavender watched through challenging eyes as Hermione flushed red.

'And how long have you been ever so comfortable?' she hissed.

'A month,' Lavender simpered and pecked Ron's cheek. 'It took you long enough to pull your nose from a dusty, old book and figure it out. You really need to live in the now.'

Hermione had sucked in a sharp breath and then straightened her shoulders. 'Very well. Lavender, he is now single – enjoy his cheating, freckled ass to your heart's content. Although I feel I should warn you; he feels no regret and many psychological studies prove that he won't change his ways until he feels remorse, he'll cheat on you too.'

'I would never!' Ron burst in outrage.

'Gosh you just can't help being an insufferable bookworm can you! "Many psychological studies prove"' Lavender mimicked in a high-pitched, prissy voice. 'You're just jealous!' she scoffed, hand resting on Ron's chest to calm him.

'Jealous!' she retorted incredulously. 'I'm certainly hurt that one of my best friends' could do this to me. I'm very disappointed that you all knew about this and no-one told me. But I am not jealous. Keep him, I'm well rid of him.'

Hermione had then spun on her heel, casting a snarl at Harry as she turned, and then left.

* * *

As the door banged closed, the Gryffindors who had witnessed the reveal turned to look at Ron and Lavender.

'See, told you it would all work out in the end,' Ron said towards Harry with a shrug.

Harry sighed and rubbed his scar. 'Ron, what you said and did was downright cruel, you're thinking with Little Ron.'

'I'm not little!'

Harry rolled his eyes. 'You should have told her sooner. Privately.'

'It was never a good time. It's all out in the open now, so no-one needs to keep the secret any longer. What's the problem?'

'The problem, arsine brother, is that you still have the emotional range of a teaspoon and you should have handled it earlier,' Ginny replied with annoyance and disgust evident in her voice.

'Nothing I can do about it now. If you were so concerned you should have said something yourself.'

'It wasn't my place, Gryffindors aren't tattletales,' Ginny sniffed. 'That's a snake trait.'

'Snakes are pricks,' Ron muttered.

'You're a prick too, right now. Hermione won't ever forgive you for this,' Ginny warned.

'Sure she will. I'll get a house elf to pick some flowers and make some chocolates for her.'

'Mate, chocolate and flowers won't fix this,' Harry replied with a shake of his head, frustration gleaming in his eyes.

'Especially house elf laboured ones,' Ginny scoffed.

'She doesn't have to know,' Ron replied with a wave of his hand. 'Seriously, I know Hermione; once she calms down and I give her the gift, she'll forgive me and we'll go back to being friends and Lavender can be my girlfriend without all the sneaking around,' Ron answered, giving Lavender a leering glance that was happily returned.

'She's not materialist, Ron,' Ginny reminded.

'All girls like flowers and chocolates,' Ron replied flippantly.

Every girl, bar the perching Lavender, seemed to sneer in unison at the clueless redheaded boy.

'I don't know, Ron. You'll at least have to admit you were wrong and are very sorry,' Harry suggested.

'It'll be fine,' Ron insisted, eyes focused on Lavenders breasts that aligned with his eye-level.

'You're an idiot,' Ginny snapped and then shared a look with Harry.

'Think we should go and find her?' Harry muttered to Ginny.

'I think we will be hexed if we do, and Hermione packs a mean hex. Best to wait until the potion cools,' Ginny whispered. 'But I can't be around my twat of a brother anymore,' she added louder.

Harry nodded and pulled Ginny from the Common Room as Ron's lips joined with Lavender's once more.

* * *

Hermione stormed lower down into the castle, trying to find somewhere to avoid all the Gryffindors.

She reeled at the betrayal of trust.

 _The entire damnable house knew! And they kept it from me! No one told me. No one suggested I head to the Common Room to catch the prat. No one! Not even Harry!_

A sliver of pain shot through her chest.

 _Harry. That one's the worst – how could he! Ron cheating sucks – but he's always was a bit of a selfish, emotionally-stunted prat. Ass!_

An image of first year before the troll sprung into her mind, and third year with the broom, and that rat, then fourth year with Krum.

 _Harry always takes Ron's side in arguments and I stay true. I can't believe Harry would keep something like this from me. A month! A whole damnable month and he didn't suggest even a whisper. Ginny obviously won't tattle on her brother. But Harry, my best friend, lied!_

Hermione swiped her face to remove the salty droplets trickling down before they splashed on her shirt.

She wanted nothing to do with anyone in that blasted house right now. She worked so hard to gain points and help the house to victory, to help people with their schoolwork, support the Quidditch team, and they had repaid her by covering her boyfriend's cheating ass.

 _I should have listened to the hat._

Her mind spun back to that fateful day so many years ago. The day she arrived at Hogwarts and was sorted.

 _The hat sat low and heavy on her head, just squeezing over her busy hair._

 _'_ _Yes, I see you are extremely loyal, but Hufflepuff is not quite right for you. Brave and strong, Gryffindor traits, already have plenty of those, but the house is volatile – hard to be in if you are academically inclined. Hmm, very clever, exceptionally so. Ravenclaw would suit you very well, but your ambition shines so brightly. You thirst to prove yourself in this world, somewhere you finally belong... it would be a brilliant match for you, but you are Muggle-born; the Headmaster doesn't want a Muggle-born in Slytherin at this time - war is brewing and it could be unsafe if you aren't completely accepted. Pity.'_

 _'_ _Slytherin rarely even has Halfbloods,' she had thought back._

 _'_ _My dear, the purebloods would have died out thanks to inbreeding by now if that were the case. No, any who isn't pure and is accepted marries another Slytherin and their bloodline is ignored from that point on. House over blood is the rule amongst the Slytherins. They would hate you if you weren't in their house, but inside those Slytherin walls is unity – if they deign to accept you. But the Headmaster does not believe it is possible right now. So another house must be chosen.'_

 _'_ _If I can't be where I will fit, then where will you put me?'_

 _'_ _You could be great in any house, but I think I know a future Gryffindor who will need your bravery, brilliance, and loyalty.'_

 _'_ _How can you know a future Gryffindor?'_

 _'_ _Because Gryffindor will be the only acceptable house for this person with the brewing war.'_

 _'_ _So you will send me there to help another?'_

 _'_ _Yes. Do you accept? Or shall I ignore my orders and put you in Slytherin instead?'_

 _'_ _Put me in Gryffindor, I will help this person.'_

 _'_ _Very well. Better be, GRYFFINDOR!'_

Hermione leaned her back against the cool stone wall and sighed.

 _I wish I could change to Slytherin now. With Voldemort's sudden death and the Death Eaters dispersing, the blood purity has scaled back a bit, maybe it would be okay if I was just starting in Hogwarts now._

'Lost are we, Gryffindor Princess?' a clear and deep voice asked with amusement from down the darkened corridor.

Hermione started in surprise and stood up straight, chin lifted and facing the voice.

'Zabini,' she acknowledged curtly when she saw his face emerge from the shadows.

Malfoy appeared next to his friend.

'Malfoy.'

'Hello, Granger, what brings you down into the dark and dangerous dungeons?' Malfoy drawled as he leaned against the opposite wall, his eyes, however, were on Zabini as the two males shared a speaking look. 'Lost your way?'

'I have lived in this school for years, I would be very dim-witted indeed if I were lost. It just seemed an unlikely place to run into any Gryffindors.'

'Hiding from the pack, are you?' Malfoy asked, picking lint from his robes.

'Avoiding would be more apt. I do not fear them, merely wish not to deal with the back-stabbing prats.'

'Back-stabbing – that does sound like Gryffindor house. But what have they done to turn their Gryffindor Princess against them.'

Hermione watched them closely for a moment.

 _Should I let them in on my secret? Screw it, why not._

'I'm hardly a Gryffindor Princess. I daresay that title could only belong to someone who the Sorting Hat wanted to place in that house.'

'You weren't sorted into your most suitable house? Missing Ravenclaw?'

'Actually, it was supposed to be Slytherin, but Dumbledore forbade the hat from sorting any Muggle-borns into that house.'

'Meddling, old coot,' Malfoy muttered under his breath.

'You mean that you were supposed to be earning Slytherin all those points?' Blaise clarified sceptically.

'The hat decided to put me in Gryffindor to help Harry out; since Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff weren't particularly brilliant matches either.'

Hermione glanced up and caught the look she couldn't read being shared between Malfoy and Zabini.

'You know,' Zabini began with nonchalance, 'you can request to be properly sorted.'

Hermione gave the boy a withering look. 'Like I would be welcomed with open arms.'

'You'd be welcomed if we demanded it,' Zabini replied, gesturing towards himself and Malfoy.

Hermione looked at Malfoy and scoffed.

He shrugged. 'I suppose I could oblige in a command of that sort – the extra points would be useful. That is, if you stop being a swotty Gryffindor priss and let your Slytherin nature shine.'

'Go fuck Zabini, Malfoy.'

'Rather crass order, no doubt thanks to the orangutan you called friend.'

'So will you be changing houses, or can we simply pretend this never happened?' Malfoy asked, disinterest screaming from every word and lithe limb.

 _I shouldn't make such a decision when I'm upset, but it is what I wanted. Perhaps some reassurance is wise._

'Alright. But I want your word that you will make the house welcome me in a friendly way.'

'Sure,' Blaise agreed easily.

'Your unbreakable word.'

Malfoy's face broke into a malevolently grin. 'Now you're getting it, Granger. Fine, unbreakable it is. Wands out.'

The three stood in a circle, wands pointed inwards.

 _Deep breath, Hermione._

'Say your piece, Granger,' Malfoy ordered.

'Do you both swear that you will ensure Slytherin house welcomes me into their fold to the best of your abilities?'

'I so swear,' they replied in unison.

'Do you both swear to do your best to stop physical or mental harm directed at me from Slytherin students while we are students of Hogwarts?'

'I so swear,' the young men replied.

Hermione nodded her acceptance.

'Hermione Granger,' Malfoy began, causing Hermione to twitch uneasily. 'Do you swear to embrace your Slytherin characteristics while you are a Slytherin student at Hogwarts?'

'I so swear.'

'Hermione Granger, do you swear to stand by the House of Slytherin while you are a student of that house?'

'I so swear.'

Malfoy nodded to show he was finished and the three spoke together. 'We so swear to be bound.'

A pulse of magic shot from the wands and wound around their wrists. Lowering her wand, Hermione battled to stop herself from rubbing her itching wrist as the magic bound her to her words as the two Slytherins showing no discomfort of their own from the magical effects.

'Let's go find Professor Snape,' Malfoy ordered and then led the way from the forgettable corridor to find the Head of Slytherin House.

After ten minutes of silence, Malfoy halted in front of a gold treaded tapestry and knocked.

The tapestry melted away, like it had been sprayed with acid, and a door emerged. It snapped open, Snape standing in the doorway, glaring at Hermione.

'What?' he snapped.

His eyes slid to Malfoy as the younger man explained flippantly. 'Granger here is apparently a true Slytherin – Dumbledore meddled – she would like to join our most noble house.'

'Is that so?' Snape asked, words rolling in his mouth like full-bodied red wine.

'Yes, Sir. I request your assistance in persuading the Headmaster,' Hermione answered.

'Why?'

'It is where I belong.'

'And what provoked this sudden desire.'

 _Truth or part-truth, he'll pick a lie. Hmm…_

'The Gryffindors are back-stabbing and I want nothing to do with them. I was not aware until speaking with these two that it was possible to be resorted. Now I am aware, I wish to move.'

'Not aware of something, wonders never cease,' Snape sneered. 'Hmm… Very well, follow me,' Snape commanded, sweeping by them smoothly, his cloak flickering like black flames as he walked.

The three started to follow, but apparently not quickly enough.

'Hurry up,' Snape snapped. 'I have no desire to prolong this irritation.'

The three jumped forwards and followed more closely.

* * *

'Change houses?' Dumbledore asked with surprise, serious eyes turning towards Hermione with disappointment eyebrows and a frown on his lips.

'Yes, Headmaster. It is allowed if the Sorting Hat did not place me in my optimum house.'

'Well, yes, but it has been so long since that day. Surely you would miss your friends.'

'I was not aware I would be forbidden to speak with them once I move. However, it is of little matter – I have no friends in Gryffindor.'

'Miss Granger, Harry and Ronald are very loyal and must certainly be counted as your friends.'

'I have done my part of assisting Harry in his task, now I wish to be where I belong.'

'It is not something to do lightly.'

'I am not doing this lightly.'

'And it hasn't been done in over a century, really I do not see the need to upset the balance now. We can't have people changing willy-nilly.'

'Headmaster Dumbledore, it is my understanding that if a student requests to be placed in the house they should have been sorted into, then it must be done if the impediment for their placement has been removed. Mr Zabini and Mr Malfoy will ensure I am welcomed into Slytherin and Voldemort is gone - approve the change.'

'I think you should speak with Professor McGonagall first, Miss Granger.'

'No thank you. I would like to be resorted now.'

Dumbledore sighed wearily. 'Very well, Miss Granger. But know that you cannot return to Gryffindor if you change your mind. And you will lose your prefect role, as Slytherin already has a prefect of their own.'

'I accept those restrictions.'

'Sorting Hat, what is Miss Granger's optimal house?' Headmaster Dumbledore asked slowly.

'Hmm, well Slytherin was the optimal house for Miss Hermione Granger at the time of her sorting,' it replied.

Dumbledore slumped his shoulders slightly and waved his wand; her robes and tie immediately changing to represent Slytherin.

'Welcome to Slytherin House, Miss Granger,' Snape said from behind her.

'Thank you, Professor,' Hermione replied.

'You're belongs will be packed by a house elf and moved to Slytherin. I will come down with you and announce the change. Malfoy, Zabini, I suggest you gather the house for our arrival, I do not wish to have to repeat my announcement.'

The two young men nodded, clearly understanding the message to deliver warnings and demands for welcoming their newest member.

By the time Professor Snape and Hermione arrived in the dungeons, the whole of Slytherin house had been gathered and where staring at the entrance with silent anticipation.

'Slytherins, Miss Granger has been resorted into her true house, sadly she was excluded from our noble house by the Headmaster when she first arrived in the school. You will all welcome her and treat her with the respect due any Slytherin; I do not wish to be disturbed by petty name-calling and pranks, so make sure I am not. That is all.'

With that, Professor Snape swivelled on his heel and strode from the common room, leaving Hermione standing facing the entire house of green and silver. Eye watched her warily, not sure what to make of Gryffindor's Princess in their home, all wondering if it was a trick to learn their secrets.

Malfoy stepped forward, Zabini following immediately.

'Welcome to Slytherin, Hermione,' he said in a smooth, aristocratic drawl.

Zabini nodding his head with the welcome. The rest of Slytherin blinked for a moment before following suit and Hermione's mind whirled as she tried to decide how best to handle her childhood tormentors.

'Thank you all for the welcome. Pansy, could you please show me to my dormitory? I want to ensure the house elves have not missed any of my belongings.'

With Pansy's tilt of her head, she led the way from the room, Hermione felt a swirl of confidence build in her chest.

She stayed within the house walls for the rest of the night, getting to know her new house mates with the help of magical games, alcohol, and a never-ending supply of magical treats. Any hesitations on either side being wiped away by the time the sky started to lighten. Hermione had learnt that behind the insults and formality, were normal people who simply enjoyed different things in life and always had each other's back – there was a reason no one was poor in Slytherin; Slytherins looked after their own forever. And slowly, Hermione finally felt like she was home as they laughed at her jokes and listened to her adventures with awe and friendly jibes that they would teach her proper self-preservation to ensure no more werewolf howling or the like – after all, they claimed couldn't allow their newest asset and friend, the brightest student of the century, to fall before she truly shone.

THE END

* * *

 **A/N: hope you enjoyed this story! Did you want to see the Gryffindor students' reactions?**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Wow, thank you all for the reviews, follows and favourites! Special shout out the all those reviewers – it is so encouraging to read your comments! I'm so happy that so many people enjoyed the one-shot.**

 **As thanks for all the reviews, here is the additional part - Gryffindor finds out.**

 **Happy reading!**

* * *

As the sky lightened, the Giant Squid tapped on the window and the Slytherin students groaned and shuffled from the Common Room to their dormitories to prepare for the day ahead.

Hermione showered and donned her new robes as quickly as possible, packing her bag with all her texts and completed homework. As she hefted the bag onto her shoulder and turned the handle of the dormitory exit, Daphne darted in front of her and shoved the door closed.

Startled, Hermione jumped back, but managing her surprise, she slowly raised her eyebrow and levelled a look at the other girl, silently demanding an explanation.

Daphne smirked. 'Not yet, Granger, we stick together and that means we are helping you.'

'Helping me?' Hermione responded ineloquently.

Daphne pointed over Hermione's shoulder. Following the dainty finger, Hermione's eyes widened in horror at the sight of Pansy with her arms full of products, Millicent aiming her wand at Hermione's school bag, and Tracy rummaging through Hermione's trunk.

'Sit,' Daphne demanded as she shoved the bag from Hermione's shoulder and forced her onto the bed.

Millicent descended on the school bag like a puppy on a roll of toilet paper. Tipping out the contents, she set it afire. 'Your bag is a statement about you, Hermione, that bag has been patched so many times you can't tell what it was originally and it's all bent out of shape! Even the shoulders hold no support!'

'Hey, I liked that bag!' Hermione snapped back.

'What a shame it is gone now,' Millicent replied with a shrug. The girl flicked her wand and a new leather shoulder bag landed in her hand. 'This was supposed to be my new bag, but I suppose I'll order another one, my need is not nearly as dire as yours.'

'A side bag has no support, I'll end up with a twisted back and appalling posture,' Hermione retorted.

'Feather-light charms solve that issue.'

'They cost a fortune to hold for more than a week!'

'Hardly a fortune,' Millicent sniffed, 'Unless you are a Weasley, and Slytherins most certainly are not.'

Hermione bit back her automatic retort to defend Ron… _bastard_.

Millicent began packing Hermione's multitude of items into the small bag.

 _And an extension charm too… hmm, that bag must have cost a bucket of galleons – Millicent is being awfully generous!_

At that point, Pansy wrenched Hermione's face away from the bag and tipped some potion onto her hands and rubbed them together quickly. Reaching out for Hermione's hair, Hermione wrenched backwards. 'Hades no! I like my hair this way.'

'It does seem to have a life of its own,' Pansy replied with a nod to Daphne who slid onto the bed behind Hermione and wrapped her arms around the girl to hold her steady. 'But it is dull from lack of care – this will make it shiny and healthy.'

'Greasy,' Hermione gasped in horror.

'Not at all, this stuff actually works,' Pansy replied with an aristocratic sniff.

Pansy massaged the potion into Hermione's hair and then quickly followed it up with another.

'Just to remove the frizz, your curls will still stay,' Pansy muttered at the now pouting Hermione.

'See, not so bad,' Daphne added from behind.

'I'm not a child,' Hermione groused.

'Definitely not! This will show the guys of this school exactly that – smooth, shiny hair and they can actually see your gorgeous eyes!'

'Mud brown eyes,' Hermione muttered.

'I prefer to think of them as creamy dark chocolate swirls that glimmer with intelligence,' Tracy answered in a rich voice.

'What, are you gay!' Hermione answered.

'Yes,' Tracy replied nonchalantly.

'And we like Tracy just as she is,' Pansy added with a hint of warning in her tone.

'Sorry!' Hermione immediately back-peddled. 'I didn't mean it to sound negative, I'm just… I know I'm not pretty and I lashed out stupidly.'

Tracy snorted.

'Of course you're pretty!' Daphne exclaimed. 'Why would you think you aren't pretty?'

'I'm not, I'm under no illusions of my looks, so there really isn't any point with all of this – it is useless and I don't want to change myself for others.'

'You just have a low self-esteem, trust us, you are beautiful. Besides, showing pride about how you look is fine, if anything it helps you to face the challenges that are coming, and there will be quite a few today. Put you best foot forward,' Pansy replied as she struggled to open another jar of something.

Hermione rolled her eyes, but let them finish, figuring they would see for themselves that no amount of primping could help her.

About thirty minutes later, her Slytherin roommates had finished and led Hermione to the mirror. Her clothes were now perfectly straight and pressed (but nothing had been altered), her new bag sat lightly on her shoulder and the leather and shiny brass buckle gleamed, her hair now fell in soft and shiny curls that framed her face, her skin was now soft and clear, and her eyes looked larger now they weren't hidden by wild hair and sparkled with light.

'Merlin,' Hermione gasped. 'How did you make me look normal.'

'Normal!' Daphne screeched. 'You look a damn sight better than normal, goddess.'

'Sooo true,' Tracy added with an admiring look.

Hermione blushed, shaking her head.

'Go downstairs and wait for us, we'll be ten minutes, max,' Pansy said as she pushed Hermione towards the door.

As she stepped into the Common Room, she saw students scattered around the room – clearly no one had gone to breakfast yet.

'Well don't you clean up nicely,' Blaise said from a nearby chair. 'The girls accosted you, did they?'

Hermione rolled her eyes. 'Clearly.'

She looked around the room at all the students.

'We thought we would make a statement,' Blaise added.

'About me?' she clarified, seating on the sofa near Draco.

'You are now a Slytherin and your beloved Gryffs need to know you are ours.'

'They are not beloved.'

Blaise tilted his head. 'Well, beloved or not, they will understand their place.'

'At the bottom of the house point board,' Draco drawled as he slumped elegantly into the seat beside Blaise.

'Brightest witch of the age, a Slytherin… I do look forward to that article,' Blaise said, tilting his head towards Draco.

Draco smirked. 'I daresay it can be arranged, Skeeter perhaps?'

'Skeeter doesn't write about me,' Hermione interjected.

Draco raised a questioning eyebrow at her.

Hermione smirked. 'She was rude, I taught her I'm not a target to be trifled with.'

Blaise and Draco grinned in anticipation, her stories last night showed she had a very Slytherin streak and this promised to be very juicy.

'And how exactly did you manage that?' Draco prompted.

'Oh you know, this and that.'

'No we don't know. Tell us,' Draco urged.

'Hmm, no, I don't think I will.'

'Come one, no secrets in Slytherin,' he added.

'Ha! Like I'm that stupid.'

Draco leaned back on the sofa and continued to grin with a casual shrug. 'Worth a try.'

'She trapped the witch in an unbreakable glass jar and held her hostage,' Crabbe enlightened from behind her seat.

Hermione twisted sharply, not realising the Slytherin was even in the room.

'How would you know that?' Hermione hissed at him.

'Pothead and the Weasel were discussing one day, they don't think to stop speaking when Goyle or I are around. Think we're rather lacking in the intelligence department.'

'Clearly a mistake,' Hermione muttered.

'A jar!' Blaise gapped. 'How'd she fit?'

Draco rolled his eyes. 'No doubt in her beetle form. Guess that bridge is burnt – don't burn bridges that you can't afford to, Granger.'

'I didn't. Luna's father works in publishing.'

'Lovegood's father is quite a few wands short of sanity and respectability,' Draco countered.

'It was worth it; she was a malicious bitch.'

'Gipslim could work,' Blaise continued.

Draco nodded and then cast an eye at Hermione. 'Haven't pissed of Gipslim as well, have you?'

'The one who wrote about the Goblin laws in last week's paper?'

'Yes.'

'No, I can't say I have, but he seems rather obnoxious.'

'The Goblins will pay him back through Gringotts for his stupidity, but he is one of the Prophet's head writer these days – guaranteed first three pages if he writes the story.'

'Fine, I suppose he'll do,' Hermione agreed, trying to ignore the bubbling nervousness at the thought of being on the front page of the prophet. She started to nibble her lip.

Draco nudged his knee gently against hers and she felt her heart slow.

 _Why did that make me feel—_

At that moment, Hermione's dorm mates descended the stairs.

 _—_ _Wow, talk about dressed to kill._

'That's our cue,' Blaise said, standing and making for the door with Malfoy a step behind him as they left the room.

The girls swept Hermione along with them and the remainder of the Slytherins followed with eagerness, smirks firmly in place.

As they neared the Great Hall, they could hear a ruckus inside.

Draco and Blaise paused outside the doors, listening carefully. A grin spread over Malfoy's face as he swished his wand and soon everyone could clearly hear what was happening behind the solid oak doors.

'I'm telling you, she's gone!'

'Mr Weasley—'

'GONE! AND YOU AREN'T DOING ANYTHING! JUST SITTING DRINKING TEA!

'Mr Weasley, kindly lower your voi—'

'SHE'S PROBABLY BEEN ABDUCTED OR SOMETHING.'

'Mr Weas—'

'GONE! MY GIRLFRIEND! AND YOU ARE DOING NOTHING Y—'

'SILENCE!'

…

'As I was saying, Mr Weasley, Miss Granger is—'

Draco smirked and flicked his wand again as his chin flicked up in 'brace yourselves' warning to the group and the doors swung open.

BANG.

Every face swivelled to see the cause of the noise, and Draco lead the way into the hall, Hermione was pushed forward by Blaise to be next to the blond. The rest followed smugly, chatting with a practised air of indifference.

Forks and spoons clattered onto plates and tables as the school saw the symbol of Gryffindor brilliance calmly surrounded by snakes.

The few that looked at the head table saw Dumbledore's eyes dull, McGonagall's lips pinch impossibly thin, and Snape's disturbing smirk. Seeing the Head of Slytherin so obviously satisfied was something to cause the students to shrink away from him in the seats.

'Hermione‽' Ron gaped loudly from his position by the teachers' table.

All eyes swung to the gobsmacked, reddened boy who had been previously entertaining them all with his flustered shouts at the headmaster.

Hermione flicked him a glance and turned away - not even deigning to acknowledge him –and gracefully settling herself at the Slytherin table on Draco's left. Daphne immediately took her other side as the rest slid into place around them.

'Pancake, Hermione?' Draco offered politely, as if them being friendly, let alone cordial, was the most commonplace of actions.

'Mm, thank you, Draco,' she said with a sweet smile as she placed two on her plate.

Excited chatter broke out as students debated theories on her green tie, however they couldn't cover the thumping footsteps encroaching on their discussion. Following the lead of the other Slytherins, she ignored everything but her housemates. Anyway, it wasn't hard to guess who it was closing in.

The thuds stopped and an expectant silence filled the air – the chatter dropping to whispers, everyone riveted on the drama and eager to hear what happened next.

A house elf popped discreetly into the edge of the hall, wondering why no one was taking items from the carefully prepared breakfast plates. Big eyes followed the student stares and they widened to an impossible level at the sight of the most troublesome student now sitting at the Slytherin table. Clearly Tippy hadn't been deranged when she said she was asked to move Hermione Granger, bane of the Hogwarts-bound house elves, into Slytherin. The house elf promptly disappeared to warn the others that the meddlesome girl was now aligned with Slytherin and likely to get much subtler in her attempts to give them no-one to live for.

Oblivious to the house elves plight, Hermione turned to Draco and asked, 'How many points to you think the Slytherin team will beat Gryffindor by in today's match?'

An outraged gasp came from nearby, but she refused to look.

Draco smirked as his eyes glittered in amusement. 'At least fifty, their keeper is the worst they have had in years. Wouldn't you agree?'

'You bast—'

'Yes, he only won the tryouts thanks to a hex on his opponents.'

'You don't say,' Draco mused.

'He also tends to favour the right hoop – it leaves him wide open on the left.'

'Hopefully we can give him some practise to try and rectify that failing.'

'It would be the polite thing to do, given he dreams of playing for the Chudley Canons one day.'

'I suppose aiming to play for the worst team in the league is appropriate when you're a terrible player… although I still think he may still be overreaching.'

'They are the worst in the league? Oh, I thought - given the way he raves about the team - that they were near the top of the ladder.'

Draco laughed, but it was quickly cut off by a bright red, heaving Ronald Weasley tackling him to the ground.

Thud.

'What did you do to my girlfriend, Ferret!' Ron demanded swinging wildly at the blond knocked beneath him.

Crabbe, Goyle, and Blaise immediately pounced and dragged Ron off Draco who quickly rose, wiping his bloody nose with an evil glare. Hermione flicked her wand and the damage was concealed.

'Your girlfriend?' he asked, pushing forward a bemused expression to hide his anger at the assault. 'Can't say I have gone near Brown over there – and really, why would I? The diseases I could get being within ten feet of her are probably too numerous to count.'

'Hermione,' Ron corrected through gritted teeth.

'Hermione what?' Draco asked, leaning forward with a mocking smile playing on the corners of his lips.

'Hermione is my girlfriend,' he snapped.

'You're dating two girls?' Draco asked, before turning towards Hermione and cheekily offering, 'Want to date two guys in revenge?'

'Only if it is you and Blaise,' she answered with a seductive smile. Turning her attention finally to her former friend, she announced clearly, 'Ron, we broke up yesterday when I discovered that you'd been feeling up Lavender Brown for the past month. Have you been hit by too many bludgers to recollect that sizeable fact?'

Draco grinned maliciously at Ron when the red-haired boy blushed as chatter immediately erupted around the hall. Many guys shooting Ron incredulous looks and then moving on to look speculatively at the newly single Gryffindor-come-Slytherin. Hermione ignored them all.

'Go away, Ron,' Hermione added with a dismissive flick of her wrist. 'You hold no interest for me.'

'Not until you tell me what you are doing, sitting here with them, in those Slytherin robes, or where you were last night,' he demanded in a tone reminiscent of the pompous Percy.

'I would have thought it was rather self-explanatory,' Draco answered dryly. 'In Slytherin robes, sitting with Slytherin house, sleeping within Slytherin. No, you're right, that makes no sense whatsoever,' he continued sarcastically.

'Erm, Ron, I think you should come with me,' Harry muttered, tugging the redhead's arm as his eyes shifted around the room at the watching student body.

'Ron, get your pathetic ass back here!' Ginny shouted from across the hall.

'Miss Weasley, five points for shouting bad language within the hall,' Severus snapped loudly as he approached Draco, '… however true it might be,' he muttered.

'Mr Weasley, you have assaulted another student – detention and thirty points from Gryffindor should do as a reminder of appropriate behaviour – if this happens again, I will make your punishment tenfold. Now move along.'

Harry yanked Ron away. Ron following reluctantly after throwing a glare at the Potions Master.

'Oh, and Mr Weasley, you will be serving your detention with Mr Filch at 4pm today.'

'But that is when the Quidditch match starts!' Harry cried in outrage.

'What a pity for Gryffindor team, perhaps control your players in future, Mr Potter.'

The Gryffindor house groaned in unison at the announcement, as McGonagall cast a mutinous look at Snape.

Harry glared at Ron and shoved him towards the Gryffindor table, muttering under his breath that if the keeper had moved when he said, then he would still be playing in today's game.

'Mr Malfoy, please go to the hospital wing,' Severus added, before sweeping away.

Draco rolled his eyes, but grabbed his bag and left the hall.

'You know,' Blaise whispered, scooting over and breathing warm air around Hermione's ear, 'I am only really keen on one part of your earlier offer.'

Hermione furrowed her brow. 'Which offer was that?' she asked, taking a sip of her drink.

'You, me and Draco.'

Hermione spluttered.

Blaise grinned and breathed into her ear. 'I'm rather partial to my friend, but sadly he doesn't swing that way – looks like you'll have him all to yourself.'

Hermione snapped to face him.

He smirked knowingly and nodded his head. 'He was quite serious about half of the offer. I suggest you accept, he's liked you for a while.'

'Don't be ridiculous!'

'Why do you think we suggested your move to Slytherin? He can date you without needing to upset his parents or the rest of the house, you'll amass a boatload of points for our house, it'll piss of Pothead and the Weasel, and best of all, we get the brightest girl of the generation in our house. Snape probably danced a jig when he returned to his room last night! And, of course, there is the fact that we can now admit we like your fire and wit without complimenting a Gryf.'

'Don't be silly, Draco doesn't like me and I don't appreciate you trying to trick me into thinking that he does.'

Blaise smirked. 'I wish it was different, believe me, but sadly his world gravitates around you. Take up his offer, it won't be around for long before he takes no response as disinterest. I could see last night you liked him more than you pretend. So take that last bit of Gryf bravery you have inside you and go snog him when he exits the hospital.'

'No way,' Hermione hissed.

'Well at least take him his homework,' Blaise added, pointing to the ground where a charms essay sat.

'I'm not in his charms class,' Hermione said.

'Neither am I, so you'd best catch him before he gets to class. Flitwick may be tiny, but he's a beast with late homework.'

Hermione sighed and snatched up the errant paper. 'Fine, but I'm just giving him the homework.'

Blaise smirked and turned to talk to Pansy by his side as Hermione huffed and stalked out of the hall, leather bag swinging on her shoulder.

 _She can pretend as much as she likes, but she's totally going to kiss him_ , he thought smugly. _I am the most awesome mate in the wizarding world!_

\- THE END -

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 **A/N: Thanks for reading!**


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